You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
