Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
