the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
