Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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