then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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