ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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