you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
