I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
