oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
A bitchslap is in order.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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