so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
