I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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