she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They took my balls.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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