Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize