How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
