As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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