i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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