Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
