Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
