Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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