Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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