I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
