You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
