real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
