Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
