Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
