I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize