And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
