A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
