I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just pee around me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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