Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
