i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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