On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
