i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
