Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
