Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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