too bad you live with your parents still
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You pole danced in your parka.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
