I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
