When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
