I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
