he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
