I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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