More tranny stories later!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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