3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she peed on how many people?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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