Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
