Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
