CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
