it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
