no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
