margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I cannot find my penis.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
