maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
