There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
