i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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