I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
