He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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