Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
