so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
