If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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