Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
