Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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