We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
