I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
