I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
