i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
