I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
