marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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