We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
