Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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