no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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