He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Come see our sink grown plant.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
