But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
