Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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