She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
