It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
