Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
