Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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