So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
