tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
