A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
