she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
