i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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