3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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