just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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