I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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