im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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