btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
