My cat gives me a boner
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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