Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize